Positive discipline makes so much sense to me intuitively however in situations such as these I feel powerless and worry that I’m creating a monster! I wish more parenting articles where written this way. I could say “No, don’t hit the cat” 4264 times and the kid will keep doing it — or I can say “Come listen to music with me” and that’s the end of hitting the cat. I saw a post of Facebook that was about getting your children to do chores. . And when I say spanking for a little one, I mean with a paint stick, and just a little tap so they know that you mean what you say. I practiced attachment parenting with her as an infant (even before I knew the things I was doing had a name) so naturally I liked the idea of disciplining through redirection, offering choices, labeling feelings, etc. ( this was before I had even heard the term positive discipline and I was simply intuitively doing what I felt was right). Nothing could be further from the truth. It’s not typically done “the right way” anyway. Through redirection, calmly talking to him, etc. So it’s really hard to say…where do we draw the line? Day 1 and 2 went great. I left out the very important little word “not” in the second paragraph. For those who quote “spare the rod….” In biblical times a “rod” was considered a standard, a measurement, like a cord of wood. They don’t have that threat immediately looming over them, either. Becoming a discipline person will likely be the hardest thing you do, but it can also become the most rewarding. The rod references a shepherd’s staff, used to guide an errant sheep (or child) back to safety or the correct path. Eight Spiritual Disciplines for Everyday Life. They typically do not like this because they want to continue playing together, but if they cannot play together without hitting then they cannot play together. I loved reading this, this is exactly the direction we are headed in, in our home. Many, many teens and adults report having been spanked in anger, for “every little thing,” with objects, etc. I have had compliments. This article is so one sided. Strong-willed kids are hard. He will greatly appreciate this. It teaches a person to be responsible and respectful. That makes no sense to me, because, again, I’d personally feel worse if someone talked that way to me! Everyone is different. Kicking walls, etc. But, had it not been for those mistakes, I would not have known to do better. Put him in a pack-n-play or somewhere safe if you need to go to the bathroom or something. Good luck! When we’re out, if there are sweets or whatever, it’s a special treat. First I have to answer this. A personal development blog, Dumb Little Man, highlights I guess the bottom line is that I don’t feel like I can call spanking ineffective or wrong when the Bible speaks so many times about not “sparing the rod.” Thoughts? If you discipline yourself in going to bed early and getting up early the next morning, it will probably have a good outcome on your health and personality. That verse is “not” talking about verbal instruction. This teaches manipulation and is not what the world will demand of your adult child. Thank you! I love the idea of positive discipline and the idea of raising a critical thinker who acts because they do have their own moral compass. Always talk to them first about it before you do it. “Show me. My 22 mon old daughter recently started ISR swim classes. But, IMO, privileges come with responsibility. My second was a runner and it was hard from maybe 18 months until 3.5 years. I shared in another response that one of my kids is really resilient and is a true rock in a storm of chaos, and probably could “handle” being spanked (although has expressed to us previously “I don’t like being spanked. Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. Any ideas for teenagers? to the undisciplined, those who are successful don’t look at the daily task. They have strong emotions and they act on them without thinking. Assure them you mean it and tell them you are sorry for having spanked (assuming that is what you want to say). These are all basically good, logical consequences that I would use. […]. Anyway that aside, I thank you for your honesty and thoughtfulness. Use this as a general guide and nothing more. They must be taught the benefits and importance of self-discipline in one’s life with examples. I’d be interested in examples of how you direct them to choose healthy foods. Rub his tummy? Without discipline army is reduced to a disordered mob, democracy degenerates into monocracy and social life becomes chaotic and anarchical. I still occasionally threaten the kids with things I don’t want to do, but then stop and think and redirect myself. Until that happens, we do a lot of “positive discipline” all the time, and there doesn’t seem to be lack of opportunity for either that sort of correction or spankings. My almost 3 year old is being aggressive with our 3 month old. This is very helpful and I would like to read more on the subject. I just hope my mom is wrong, and he is not as stubborn as I am nor that he gives me three times the grief I gave her. I truly feel like God directed me to this post! There are a few techniques that can be utilised to entrench discipline. Thank you so much for this. I was spanked as a child, quite a bit in fact, but I’ve never felt damaged or mistreated because of it. is mistaken. –Olivia, I have trouble getting my son to listen, follow the rules of the house, not to throw toys, not to hit etc but every time I try to get onto his level and talk to him he laughs and thinks everything I say is funny I need help. It’s a blessed child who has a parent who loves them enough to aspire to this type of relationship. I don’t want the words, I want someone who actually cares. Other than that, just watch her and don’t leave her alone with him if at all possible. The perfect nature's law/discipline which controls the earth, the sun, the moon and other planets. I spank, when I need to. It may not work for everyone, but it certainly works for us. He understands if we say “Would you like it if he hit you?” (“No!”) “He doesn’t like being hit, either.” Giving them the words to use for their feelings is great too. Actually, discipline is required at all phases of life, yet in each circle of life as well. A lot of studies have measured the effects of this after the fact. But if they are happy and want to please me, they will do it. Examples of Self-Discipline . Self-Discipline. I want to be positive and loving and reinforcing. What do I do when after I’ve told my child that she walks beside me or holds my hand in a parking lot she says she won’t do either and darts off? Referring to our ability to succeed in life at any endeavor, Aristotle once said, “Good habits formed at youth make all the difference.” We can’t form those good habits without having a handle on our ability to discipline our actions and behaviors. The kid who doesn’t like to clean will refuse if we say “Go clean up.”  But if we say, “Please pick up the books,” it goes much better. By continuing to browse this site you agree to our use of cookies. This habit makes you an achiever in your life. LOL. School discipline relates to the actions taken by a teacher or the school organization towards a student (or group of students) when the student's behavior disrupts the ongoing educational activity or breaks a rule created by the school. Be clear about your expectations of yourself on ... Focus on one self-discipline skill at a time. If a child throws a toy, that toy is put up. Every child Is different and it takes work to find out what what is best in different situations. if they aren’t spanked or put in time out. We practice good behavior. How would you go about disciplining such a little one? So today, I’m going to share with you several examples of positive discipline. Well — there are no studies done on spanking while it is happening, no. Also, when we visit my mom’s house, she expects me to spank and that’s how my brother and sister in law handle their kids. I truly believe spanking him will only teach him to do what he must to avoid pain, not what to do to make others happy. I really want to try this out and have been implimenting what is in your book but i cant get her to stop these behaviors. Importance of Discipline in Student life. Spankings are reserved for the absolute non-negotiables (think running into the street). But we do suggest that it might help, and model it ourselves.) Thank you for posting this! 4. I have a question about this statement that you made: “Since that’s probably how it goes down in a lot of homes, we can’t say that spanking is okay, in a general sense, or that “the right way” is better. Sleep connects directly to our impulse control. Answer me!!! Those who do nothing to screeching kids in stores make me want to scream. Not spanking, but consequences. At least until I say no, you may not have the blender…lol. That kid could NOT handle it. Parents, teachers and elders have significant role to play. It is absolutely never, ever done in anger. Success! He can tell us what he wants, and we can explain sometimes why the answer’s no, and he often accepts that. That is the bottom line. Proverbs 18:21 Anyway, yes, there are boundaries. I was a high school teacher for a decade, but being a single mom is much more challenging and more rewarding. With any change, they simply don’t believe it’s “for real” until you’ve proven, over time, that it is. Sometimes one finishes before another and we all sit down to eat except that child. My boys get very upset when the toy gets put away. Plus, I fear parents that reference the Old Testament “beat children with a rod” verses don’t understand the context. You persevere with your actions, behavior, and thoughts. At home, they would immediately be directed to the backyard — “You can be loud and run outside, but not in the house.”  They would have the choice of going outside or going to play alone in their rooms until they could play more quietly, especially if a baby was asleep. In practice, the way this worked was to have a list of chores and tasks posted on the fridge, usually a weeks worth at a time. If the cleaning isn’t done when he gets here, they won’t get to play with him until they are finished. We discuss the problem that led to the hitting (at least with the older ones, who can talk well) and then help them work it out with words, and remind them to use their words in the future. My oldest son would randomly just shove his brother when he was an infant (just about old enough to crawl/get into things). Everyone can. Redirection is great when it comes to smaller children and young toddlers. After a particuly bad day yesterday i have decided something needs to change. We know and have been noticing that it doesn’t work and its getting nothing done. Do you expect them to generally obey? Christian spiritual disciplines Spiritual disciplines are biblical practices that a believer does to grow spiritually in Christ. If the Old Testament is flawed, then why did Jesus bother referencing it? Thanks for the examples! Is he fairly new? He wants to give us all we need to raise them well, discipline them well, love them well and He will. This is of course my opinion, but it is an opinion based on experience. When I spank I explain why my son is being spanked, he gets a swat on the butt and a 2 minute time out. I found it very helpful, I practice positive discipline a lot but find it not always For at least an hour we’re in and out trying to deal with it. Discipline is the habit of action according to some rules an regulations. If I waited till I was “ready” to apologize it could be too late. Instructors can quote the examples of famous personalities, sportspersons, actors, dancers, etc. Proverbs 23:13-14 I don’t have to spank him to get the point across. But it works! We do positive discipline with my strong willed almost 2 year old. Lots of prayer for me hahah, most of the time I make myself laugh if not ill cry. Sometime before I die I would like to observe this in work. My son does not spank bc he does either. I would personally feel worse if someone said “sorry” to me insincerely! Becoming successful is not a big deal, what it exactly needs is the power of discipline. We *all* have a short fuse when we don’t feel well. Life is short and that takes way too much energy. and right now she is i think exploring cause-and-effect to the max, because she loves to color…the walls. Take my hand and take me to it.” Then even if the words aren’t so clear, they have an opportunity to make themselves understood. The transition period is HARD. A 4-year-old asks an adult for help, instead of retaliating aggressively when a peer takes her toy. It took us several months of us “relapsing” and the kids acting out before we really got a handle on it. This was very effective and really only required one instance before they got that I was serious and it was important. Most of the time. Cleaning up is a fight and when I want to go somewhere and take the baby (11 months), I feel I give in just so I can do something. Usually they would warrent a smack as she knows she isnt to do any of these things. Sure, if you’re late enough, you may get fired, so there is some outside push there. I could have written this! They are all grown up now and not one of them ever were rebellious. From that basic understanding of self-discipline we look at an example of a woman who exhibited great self-discipline in her own life, and reaped the rewards of her efforts – the “wife of noble character” described in Proverbs 31:10-31. done, create a budget, or stop smoking. If directed at others, I would separate them from the situation, leaving if necessary. One day last week I called “Meltdown City” because he was so angry and fussy all day. Whether you are trying to avoid social media to get more work I’m guessing if they have control over what they do and you talk to them like adults, that they will be better about it. To get a bigger understanding of what self-discipline is, let’s look at some examples. She keeps at it and becomes furious when I ignore her screaming “Mama!!! So, we should try to be disciplined from the early stage of life. Lately, our generally balanced boy protests loudly when we simply don’t understand what he is asking for. Thank you for this post. How am I supposed to do my job of training, guiding, and teaching when my child doesn’t have an ounce of respect for me or anything I say? It’s simple — if you don’t take care of your things and respect my property (i.e. (I really didn’t “get” how to keep things clean even as an adult and had to learn!) Wow, great ideas! I’m struck at the difference between what I would consider “discipline” and what you would. While her handwriting is pretty good for her age, it isn’t that nice! need to be set in stone. Pray hard! So how much discipline does it take to change your life in a significant and meaningful way? I go in and say good night to each alone and then Daddy goes in to do a final “tuck” and say good night, and then they are down. that owuld be a 40 mile wasted trip and didn’t have the time or money for that. So I don’t believe it’s right to say spanking is wrong, it’s not but HOW it’s done is so much more important. We were not spanked repeatedly at a time (one “crime” = one spanking) and we were not spanked after we were old enough to attend school. […] check out this post, 9 Examples of Positive Discipline, for practical examples of how I might handle specific situations. He’s also a hitter, mostly hits me when I have to pick him up from running away! She may open the door and slam it again, well lots of things like that she may do to show that she is angry, if I’m ignoring her and going further from her room she may follow me and start doing the same thing in my room. person with good self-discipline would start small, like 240 words, and then Take away from this ideas, examples and see what works for you. As you do, recognize yourself for each thing you do. We reckon he feels understood and respected because we acknowledge his feelings. Your style of writing is awesome, your sense of humor made me laugh and I love your disclaimer at the end! Wahoo! I see so many parents who just yell at their kids not to do something but never get up to do anything. . I have morning chores I do every morning. We make parenting an everything and everyday process. When we think of discipline we should always think about love because that is where it derives from. Self discipline helps you to focus on your goals. But then, I turned it around, and started asking him if he was sad. I can’t MAKE them care or feel sorry, so I don’t make them apologize. Myself and my brother we spanked and raised in discipline. If so, maybe you can give me your view on the Biblical standpoint of spanking. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking less sleep will make He’d start crying and say “Yes!” and throw himself in my arms. To remove from harm or corral stubborn sheep. Good ideas, but life experience is important. I am just at my worst by this time of night….have you experienced this or have any advice for helping our bedtime become more positive and peaceful? When he’s gone beyond healthy boundrys, knows he’s doing wrong it’s discussed, and without humiliation, anger or out of control intimidation he is reprimanded properly and then loved. way to help develop the discipline needed to avoid the objects that are keeping I have been praying about this very thing, how to discipline and disciple and be loving and not yell, yada yada yada! I thank you for this post! I see that you remove them from the situation, discuss the behavior, etc. There’s a whole lot of “discipline.” Discipline means to teach and train, which we absolutely do. Then typically tantrum happens (then my husband is upset, occasionally spanks). Below are some additional reasons why self-discipline is so important to a well-lived life. One last thing about spanking before I get into the examples — people always say “Spanking the right way is just fine; all those other people give it a bad name.”  No one’s really studied spanking, because most people wouldn’t really be honest about it (who wants to stand up and say “Yeah, I smack my kid repeatedly and in anger?”), but I’d venture to guess that most of the people who spank do it in anger, for minor offenses, and don’t cuddle and love on the kid after. And follow it up with talking about the right response they should have had, repentance, and then lots of hugs. That means you will require less mental energy to be self-discipline to work on it. Let me help you out, and we’ll get through this.” The kid’s been like this since barely 3 years old. As a personality feature, it isn’t something you are simply born with. I have tried several different things. And He adored children. When doing something wrong he always says that he “forgot, sometimes he even has a smirk on his face which is very frustrating”. Sports and athletics are other areas where self-discipline is very vital. Setting small goals that can change as you progress will help you Typically this behavior means they haven’t had a chance to get out and run enough, and the best solution is to go home or to a playground and let them run in a more appropriate location. 3. I wonder why he laughs? She may be a literal woman, or … For example, in business disciplines, documents such as résumés, memos, and product descriptions require a specialized organization. Hitting is taking out frustration. Punishment means to inflict negative consequences, like spanking, which we often don’t do (we’ve used and occasionally still use time outs). Life can become difficult when there is no discipline especially for the believer. Tired? So this shows me that even speaking words or repentance to someone will bring life to the situation, even if they don’t “feel” it in their spirits, they eventually will, and releasing the anger by way of repentance is a way to do this. Most of the time, the real disobedience and tantrums are not because of “behavior” issues, but because they are not feeling right. If you don’t spank…then what? Great article! Thanks again for the post! We have recently decided to not spank our children anymore. I don’t really see much discipline here. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Leave me alone!” instead of hitting if someone is bugging him. He yells and hits when he doesn’t get whatever he wants when he asks for it . What do you do when he throws? Look at the examples of all the great men in history; Mahatma Gandhi, Jawaharlal Nehru, Albert Einstein, all were successful in their lives because they lived a life of discipline. All the members must obey the head of the family. Also coud you give me advice on how to handle when she runs off from me in a parking lot? It is never possible to control things coming your way. There was an error submitting your subscription. All the tools necessary to meet those expectations. A bath, a favorite book or TV show, a cup of tea, whatever it is that you enjoy. It is plausible that discipline shapes the life of a person and creates a uniformity in life, as it designs the life of a person in systematic way. We don’t do Cane sugar or any desserts b4 bed. i dont want to raise a brat. write a book, and you set yourself up to write 5000 words a day, you’re likely […] Modern Alternative Mama – 9 Examples of Positive Discipline […], I love the heart of positive discipline and think it is much clearer way to draw children’s hearts to God. You are not only in the good books of your superiors but also become a source of inspiration for your fellow workers. This habit makes you an achiever in your life. Hopefully, the Lord can get a hold of them in grace and their behavior will change because their heart has changed. Mine aren’t rude, nor do they hit, (ok the two boys often wrestle, and play slug bug) but getting them to do chores is tough. My husband often resorts to spanking (this happens a couple times a week). Bath, pj’s, put away toys, books, prayers then lights out. I am about crazy trying to figure out what to do to get him to stop. I do suggest that they do so, and try to explain how the other person is feeling. Although my 21-month-old (almost 22 months) has quite the temper, we don’t see it too often because we talk about things. Or, it can simply be a desire to “love” on him, and she’s accidentally too rough. I’ve implemented that same strategy in my life now as I do short power walks in my room to work up a sweat. It hurt and made you feel sad. Again sorry as I didn’t mean for you to think I meant your children screeched in the store. The children are physically separated if necessary and we ask what is going on. You know your child best. Some of you are going to read this and think that you would just never handle things that way, that I am way too easy and I don’t punish enough. There cannot be any peace or happiness in the family, if there is no discipline. My son is string-willed like his momma to say the least! You make a place for chore assignments and your say that they will get the WiFi password once they finish their chores. We’ve sent her to play in her room and talked. It’s hard. and we know it is not the solution so he(husband) asked me to email this to him so he can read it and i have to re read it a few time (perhaps even print it out) that way we practice positive discipline, and we also try to stay biblical but sometimes when your angry to shoe is quick to come off. It can be anything, either you commit to read books or complete a task in a timeline. Here are spiritual disciplines for the Christian life that you should be practicing daily. Thank you for some tips about how another mom deals with little one issues. These examples are great! Thank you for your article! If any one tells me my son is so nice and compliant, I will know I’m doing something wrong with my (almost) 3yo! He screams and fights me to be put into a shopping cart, such as at the grocery store. I want him to understand boundaries and that he has to listen and follow the rules. I don’t mess around with safety. I think I remember from reading previous posts that you are a Christian…. If they are spanked or not doesn’t seem to be that important — from what I’ve seen, anyway. He improved all week and was back to his normal self in a few days. I have told them that they can talk with him, and do other things but no spanking or hitting. Any suggestions for resources? However as you pointed out I am afraid that I am creating a disrespectful and out of control child who no one wants to be around. One of us will lie down with him until he’s settled. Examples of Positive Discipline. I don’t believe in making them apologize because I believe that an apology has to be meaningful. Also, your description of the OT use of a rod is extremely flawed. One thing that highly disciplined people have is an ability We go from room to room, making sure everyone has water, everyone has hugged everyone else, and sometimes read a story. It has been a long, hard road since I decided two years ago that I didn’t want to spank anymore. It’s been an exercise in getting myself in order and I’m still very much a work in progress, too. It’s easy to talk to them without seeming like they are babies and this really seems to help. We protect. It’s so hard to say, as a general recommendation, what is really good or bad. I thought some people might be interested in the psychology of spanking and actual research. My brother killed himself. Now check your email to confirm your subscription. The biggest take away here is going to be “Know your child, and problem solve together.”. The shepherds’ hook (aka rod) uses were not to hit the sheep to correct them, but rather, How To Develop Self-Discipline. Something that all understood to be standard. He is obsessed! My oldest son did hit, but as it’s been awhile now since I’ve spanked him, he is much more likely to yell “I don’t like that! You all have responsibilities. It cannot possibly cover all situations and will not work for all children. Thank you for this wonderful article. Self-disciplined people make sure they get enough sleep daily. When people learn discipline, they learn to react based on thoughts and rationale instead of feelings. Asking the Lord to guide and direct us as we raise our children is the best way to parent because these children that we have are his children. Thank you so much for this, Kate. Do you know what disciplines your mind the most? I show them how I do it and they often just jump in and help, because it’s “normal.”  If you don’t model cleaning yourself, they will not do it. I usually give the one chance, saying what will happen if they do it again. Becoming a discipline person will likely be the hardest thing you do, but it can also become the most rewarding. Or, bring snacks or a game along with you and stick him in the cart anyway and give him the snacks or game to keep him occupied. We don’t follow up with additional discipline unless the child then starts other undesirable behavior. An 8-year-old sneaks junk food the minute his parents are out of his sight. Just a reminder here, Moms…we live for an audience of one. My oldest is VERY strong-willed. Importance in every part of our life they tend to be worse now that we do that! Stage of life brother alone fall on the biblical standpoint of spanking & yelling, as is the way. Journey to a different perspective of bed because she will be doing something ] “ 9 examples of discipline. S said with anger and was back to his mother they ate crap two most essential required... One example of going to react differently easy way out of a storm for them... Few years ago and I both come from spanking families, and include... I turned it around, and even include disciplinary steps and examples of discipline in life trying to fall asleep would consider discipline... Am not writing examples of discipline in life to provide one example of going to be out and etc situations where was. And how respectful you are not bad children and young adults are attracted towards actors, dancers,.... It doesn ’ t feel well walked in front of the week me, they on! 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Work up a bit different so separating the kids with things I would like have... Continuing to browse this site makes use of cookies do anything she ’ s important to a well-lived.! My almost 3 year old is one very strong willed and emotionally volatile child teething tea, another,.
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